


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,124

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [39]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7565500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues, as Obi and friends are forced to check out of their sleazy sex motel when someone comes a-knockin'. </p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,124

TATOOINE - Day 1,124: 

There was a knock at the door. 

Chewie jumped off the vibrating bed, and growled, "Dude, if this is another Twi'lek prostitute I'm going to rip one of her tentacles off."

"Luke, cover your eyes. Uncle Chewie might be doing a no-no," I advised the four year old playing in the heart shaped tub. 

Chewie threw open the door and yelled, "WHAT?!" But to the Ithorian child standing outside the door, all she heard was, "RRRAWWWRRR!"

The girl threw a piece of paper at the Wookiee's feet and took off crying. 

"Nice, Chewie," I chuckled. 

"Look Ben. Look Ben. Look Ben. Look Ben!" Luke said in rapid succession. 

"Yes, Luke." When I turned around Luke had bubbles covering his head and face. 

"I'm you, Ben. I'm you."

"That's great, Luke." I turned to talk to Chewie. 

"You don't care," Luke mumbled. 

"Oh man. I think this is going to be a drag," Chewie said, handing me the paper. 

The paper read: COME OUTSIDE AND PLAY. 

I ran to the door and peeked out. There wasn't a man, creature, or droid in the streets, and for Mos Eisley in the middle of the day this was unheard of. I closed the door and leaned my back against it. "We're in trouble, my big hairy brother."

"Come on, man. Don't be such a downer. We can take anyone."

"Kill them all!" Luke screamed from the tub. 

I sat on the bed across from Chewie, and explained our situation. "First off, we don't know who's out there. We can assume it's the three bounty hunters who blew up my hut. Maybe there's more of them. Maybe their leader Kilgore is with them. He's a complete mystery. We have no idea what he's capable of." I took a deep breath. "You have your crossbow, and I have a small blaster."

Luke jumped up in the tub, "And a lightsaber, which is wizard!"

"I can't use the lightsaber because anyone watching us will know I'm a Jedi."

"That's a bummer, man," Chewie added. 

"So Chewie, you will have your mighty crossbow and I'll have my uncivilized blaster. You will also have Luke on your back because we can't risk leaving him in here. We'll fight back to back as much as we can in order to protect him."

"Totally," Chewie agreed. 

"TOTALLY!" Luke echoed. 

"Now Chewie, this is the most important bit of instruction," I leaned in, trying to prevent Luke from hearing, "If it looks like I'm going to fall you must escape with Luke. He is the priority, not me. Understood?"

"But man..."

"'But man' NOTHING! Do you understand?!" I knew he could hear the desperation in my voice. 

"Sure, dude." He lowered his head as if he had betrayed me. 

So I dried off Luke, and got him dressed. Chewie lowered his backpack so the boy would be hanging down by his butt, this way I could act as a shield from the rear. 

We stepped out into the empty street. A tumbleweed rolled past us, and somewhere off in the distance a space dog barked. Down one end of the street was Bossk, down the other end, Greedo. I heard the sound of a jetpack, and Boba Fett landed right in front of me. Chewie and I pushed our backs closer together. 

"You're squishing me!" The muffled voice of Luke came from between us. 

"What do you want Fett?" I spoke first. 

"I would love to make that Wookie into a throw rug, for ripping my arm off."

Chewie snorted. 

"Laugh it up, hair bag," Boba scoffed. "But unfortunately that's not what my boss wants. He wants that thing alive."

I looked around, scanning the top of the buildings. "Where is your boss?"

I heard a slight chuckle coming from under Boba's helmet. "Kilgore hasn't granted you permission to meet him yet. But believe me Kenobi, when you finally do meet him you're going to wish you hadn't."

"We'll see about that, jerk."

"So, for now we will take the Wookiee," Boba continued. "In a few days or weeks, we may come for the boy. Eventually, we'll come for you, Kenobi."

"Fett, you ignorant slut, no one is going anywhere with you!"

As I finished my statement, Boba threw the first punch which nearly knocked me down. I force pushed him away, and he continued the backward momentum using his jetpack while shooting a flame thrower at me.

The other two bounty hunters began to fire at us. Standing back to back in the middle of the street was not going to work. I yelled for Chewie to take cover, just as Boba launched his whipcord which wrapped around my torso. I was only able to move my wrist slightly, but I managed to get a shot off and hit Boba in the knee. 

I laughed, until I realized that there were sparks jumping out of his leg. I had hit the artificial one. It was the leg the rancor had eaten when we were attempting to capture it for Jabba the Hutt. Before I could get off another shot he darted my hand, causing it to become numb and making me drop my blaster. He then disintegrated my weapon. 

Chewie was busy trying to take out the other bounty hunters, as I managed to Force choke Boba Fett. Laser blasts flew around me, so I spun out of the whipcord and took cover on the side of the street. 

Crouching behind a food stand, I hadn't noticed the two Stormtroopers that came out of the alley and were standing directly behind me. 

"Is that him?" said Stormtrooper #1. 

Checking his wrist holovid, Stormtrooper #2 said, "Yup."

Laser blasts continued to fly all around us as Stormtrooper #1 informed me, "Ben Kenobi, you are wanted for questioning in the disappearance of Beru Lars."

I looked around at the chaos surrounding us and said to the Trooper, "Are you friggin serious?"


End file.
